Lauren- are you ready for a long story??

What have I been up to since December? Well to be honest- not much, AT ALL. Dec 18th- the day after my 29th birthday I was at the gym when my wrist started hurting really bad. I am some what of an over achiever at the gym- so I just assumed I had pushed myself too hard during some of my lifts or whatever. So I rested my wrist, for a week. And it just got worse, like a LOT worse. Well, now its the morning of Christmas Eve, and my sweet husband calls me, to tell me, he has made a few calls & got me in to an orthopedic surgeon that DAY! He didn't want to wait one more minute- I was bit embarrassed but agreed to go.

To be honest I was a little bugged that Patrick was so worried about me. You see, I always joke that Patrick treats me like I am made of glass. He is always SO concerned about me when I am sick or hurting. It can even come off as extreme at times, like when I am pregnant!! But I guess truthfully I am grateful he takes such good care of me, because heaven knows, I wouldn't do it for myself! I always think its NEVER a big deal (even when it is) if it has to do with myself. Probably because I don't want to be a wimp. I am a weirdo.

Anyway, that doctors appointment was the first of many. We did x-rays and my medical history, and the doctor noticed symptoms consistent with something called Rheumatoid Arthritis. That prompted MRI's, blood tests, and more Xrays. I came back positive for Rheumatoid Factor- a major indicator that I did indeed have RA. I was referred to a Rheumatologist. Then started even more tests. Blood tests, xrays, sonograms, MRI's, and detailed physical examinations of my joints. Finally in March I was diagnosed with RA. And I have begun the process of finding treatments that might work for me.

Now, I have just told the medical side of the story- unfortunately there is more. And I feel like I am finally just going to tell it all in one place! After my Christmas eve appointment to which I heard that I might have RA. I didn't believe the doctor. AT ALL. Arthritis?? me? I am a healthy 29 year old! It just didn't fit in my brain. And i had never heard of rheumatoid arthritis- so I dismissed it, knowing nothing else about it. But weird things started happening really soon after. The pain in my wrist started "spreading" to my other wrist. And it increased, for no reason at all. I started hurting in my hands, and in my fingers. in like EVERY bone in my wrist, hand, and all of my fingers on both sides. And the pain would throb up into my forearms too. It was miserable! I started not being able to use my hands at all. To get myself dressed, to hold my baby, to pull the blankets up and over me at night, not even to hold a simple paper back book! It was so painful!
We went back to the doc, and he did more tests, and gave me medicine. So we waited for results, and tried the medicine-and it didn't work AT ALL. It was very discouraging. And the pain increased! and spread some more. Now my elbows hurt, and my shoulders, and my lower back and my hips! It was so weird!!! I started not being able to move in the mornings. I was so stiff, and mostly so so SORE. Fairly soon the pain was in my feet and ankles. Again it felt like it was in EVERY BONE in my foot, and toes, and ankles. Both sides. It felt almost like my wrists, hands and fingers- now it was just in my feet, toes, and ankles as well!! I stopped being able to walk smoothly, and put weight on my feet at all. And then my spine started.... and it started to hurt between EVERY joint all the way from the base of my skull down through my lower spine. I couldn't move.

Up until then I had kept a fairly good "we are going to figure this out" attitude, but about then I cracked. I am ashamed to say it- but I did. I just started crying so hard. It had been about 6 weeks since that day at the gym! ONLY 6 WEEKS!!! I had gone from running, lifting, and just plain living my life to not being able to move, use my hands, walk, or even get myself dressed alone in only 6 weeks. I was in CONSTANT pain....The pain was so intense.

And I was exhausted. I mean, I have been tired before but this was like serious FATIGUE! I lost my appetite and I had tried different medicines, none had worked, one even caused an allergic reaction as if I NEEDED any more stress at that point. :( I wasn't sleeping well because of the pain. And I wasn't getting out of bed much all day because of the pain. It was taking over everything. I was feeling so hollow- like all of my fire and spunk had gone right out the window, not that I wanted to give up, more like that I had no more fight left in me to stay strong. :(

We still didn't have any answers. From what I knew of RA, it didn't typically come on this fast, and in everything I had read, it didn't seem to be SO wide spread. I was wrong. Apparently in some cases it can be both of those things. These cases sometimes prove to be more severe/aggressive RA than others. I am hoping I am one of the exceptions...

The numbness and tingling in my legs, feet, and in my wrists and hands started in late Feb. and is still a problem. I have lots of times when I am not only dealing with pain, but loss of feeling too. It kind of feels like you have smacked your funny bone as hard as you can, and now have some one step on it while it hurts with all of their weight! It adds a whole different sensation to the pain.

I am still having problems with the pain. It is still in my entire body- most intense in my wrists, hands and fingers- also in my ankles, feet, and toes- and in my spine. The numbness is increasing too. I have been told I can do no physical activity, except in a pool. I am to stay off my feet as much as I can at home. Its kind of slow going but I am holding out hope that it will get better soon.

My family is not here with me in Texas. But I know they have been doing their best to take care of me. Mari sent care packages- even though she was on the couch recovering from surgery herself. Cim sent NONI like crazy! Everyone is calling and texting more often. I am doing my best to stay positive. Some days I do OK. Others I need to work at it a little better. Truth be told- I am starting to forget what it feels like to not hurt all the time. How sad is that?

Anyway that is my big LOOOOONG story about what I have been up to since December. Now maybe you can see why I have been SOOO behind on blogging. All things considered- it has truly been the LAST thing on my mind. :)

Lauren